... continued from March 10...
The next day I tried not to look across the street while I gardened. I hoped the dog would stay home. At the sound of a truck coming up my driveway I looked up. It was my neighbor.
My shoulders sagged. My chin dropped while I expelled a big sigh. I really didn't want to pick up where we'd let off. And I was quite defensive.
He climbed out of the truck and handed me a bag. "I replaced your husband's gloves. I hope they're the right size."
"Well, thank you."
"I want to apologize for the way I talked to you last night. I feel real bad about it. Nobody deserves to be treated that way." He went on to explain that it's been a bad night. They'd had sad family news.
"Thank you for the apology. In fact, it's an answer to my prayer. I really appreciate your coming over." I reached out and offered my hand. I felt myself get teary.
We shook firmly. "Thank you for forgiving me. " He was a little teary too.
We then went on to resolve our difference of opinion.
When he climbed in the cab and left, I considered that we were much better neighbors than we'd been before.
I'll keep praying for him because I've found that anger has to be controlled or it becomes a habit of mind. An irritable person can find plenty to dislike about other fallible people.
In this case I believe God did change the neighbor's heart. It encouraged me to see his humility and desire to make peace.
Anger clings onto offenses. Conversely, peace opens our hearts and minds to release them. May we all be more willing to let go.
Anger is a hungry emotion. It feeds on irritations, feasts on frustration, gnaws on bitterness.
The truth is evident when I call a neighbor to discuss a minor but irritating problem I have with his dog. What should be a one-issue conversation turns into a list of complaints. He doesn't like my city attitude. He corrects me for saying up the street instead of down the road. In his mind, my tipsy mailbox is an affront to the neighborhood. "And tell your Mexicans to quit turning around in my driveway."
My Mexicans?
Calm responses and apologies that he's upset get me nowhere. We don't come to an agreement on the issue. The call ends before "good-bye."
Dismayed and shaken, I resort to my familial frame of reference for this kind of conflict.
I spent my childhood stepping carefully lest I trigger one of my father's land mines.
I learned that anger only needs a small flashpoint. But once the bomb exploded poison gas filled our home and hung heavy over us for hours.
I wonder if it's the same for my neighbor. I feel sorry for him and his family.
Pity aside, I'm still upset. My self-soothing techniques don't help me fall asleep. I remember the morning's children sermon at church, ironically, about loving your neighbor. I don't feeling any love.
The Bible text commands me to pray for my enemy. I can do that. Each time the internal recorder replays a bit of the interchange, I counter it with a prayer. God, let the man across the road be at peace with me. Eventually I drift off.
How do you handle anger aimed at you? What do you do to calm yourself?
