Bites and Peaces: When our Band Hit the Sour Notes

My weekly jam with four other musicians hit sour notes when our interpersonal dynamics got out of tune.

For three years we've met, chosen songs, worked to learn them, and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. But a month ago we went on the activities calendar for a concert at our senior living community.  We buckled down to choose a set of songs, and doubled our practice sessions to refine the arrangements.

The unexpected pressure revealed stress cracks.

Our musical perspectives vary widely over genre (folk, rock and roll, bluegrass). Sometimes our different styles of how to work together set each other on edge. The most experienced musician is a rock and roller with wide experience. He can hear a chord and it reminds him of the same chord in a different song. Next thing we know, he's zig-zagging down musical rabbit trail and I feel like Alice in confusion-land.

 It drives me crazy, because my background is the high structure of a string orchestra where everyone is on the same page at the same time.  Some of our band members are adept at improvisation, while I'm a prisoner to the notes on the page, and the same melody every time. (Thankfully, I'm learning to loosen up a LITTLE.) 

I should have recognized the fault lines in our alliance when we couldn't agree on a name for our band. Thus we're still "fill in the blank" which doesn't look good on a T-shirt. 

Ten days and (two practices) away from our concert date, we were running through a favorite, familiar bluegrass tune. Our banjo player, who never makes notes to himself about our plans,  played all over the guitar player's solo. The guitar player, used to his previous bands that kept those details straight, hit his breaking point.

"That's it. If you can't remember that ending, Dave, which we have done over and over for two years, I'm pulling the song from the concert."

It was one of Dave's favorites, and best-played.  He didn't say anything but it was evident he was unhappy.  Four minutes later he spoke up. "So it's okay if you make a mistake, but if I do, it ruins everything?"

It went from bad to worse. 

In the past I have seen all of us extend grace to each other, accommodating one another's abilities and lack of knowledge, encouraging all.

But today some important strategies for peace-keeping and harmony were missing from their skill sets, such as negotiation, or letting it go. 

I hoped their impatience and frustration with each other wouldn't over-ride the satisfaction we've had in the past. A schism would be a giant loss to all of us.

At the next practice, we held our breath when we came to the pulled number. Would the guitar player just skip it? substitute something else?

What relief when he said "We worked it out" and Dave kicked off the piece. Harmony restored, our concert went well. 

Maybe we can fill in the blank for those t-shirts with "bites and peaces."